just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My penis needs a shock collar
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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