somebody snuck up and got me drunk
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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