I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
