I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
