I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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