You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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