you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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