Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize