I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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