You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
