i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
