where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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