The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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