Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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