she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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