I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
