did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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