I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize