Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
