so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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