just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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