his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
