and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
