glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Panties = found
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize