That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
