i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
