You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
