can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
