I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
