Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
