Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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