Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
