i was born a porn star she said
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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