Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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