Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
