soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
