I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
