whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
