I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
