You made me cry and you don't even care
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
