Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
