So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
