it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
