no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
