jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
