Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
