just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
