i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
