all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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