Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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