You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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