"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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