i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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