Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
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He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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