one might say we're banned from that church
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
