I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
