i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
